Walls...we all have them.... Some walls are wrought iron - you can see through them and be able to let people in, but still keep them at arm's length, some are built as thick as castle walls - moat included! Walls are a normal part of life and growing up in our specific worlds. They aren't necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes, they are great - protecting us from people who can get to our heart and soul and really mess us up. I've spoken before about having different levels of friendship with people. This is an example of when I put up walls. I keep myself at a distance in some friendships because I know I cannot fully trust some people, but I still enjoy their company. But sometimes we erect walls out of fear and we keep ourselves from experiencing amazing things, like love and/or passion, climbing to the top of a mountain to see the magnificent view, having a child because you think you'll be a terrible parent, or even taking on school or a new job because you are afraid to fail. It can be a number of things, but the main thing is we are hurting ourselves if we build THESE types of walls around us.
My questions are...do we really know all the walls built around us? And do we know if the walls we have are good for us or not?
I was recently talking to a friend of mine about things going on in my life and I realized I had some walls around me that seem to be misplaced. I was letting some people in and keeping some people out and some of those walls needed to be moved around. That's not to say I need to get anyone currently in my life out of my life, just that I probably need to put up a few bricks to protect my feelings. And then there are some others that I have been keeping at arm's length that I realize only want the best for me and maybe I need to build a door in their walls. But what I also realized was that some of the walls I DO have up, have been up for a long time and I never noticed them. It wasn't until I was talking to my friend that I actually saw them. I think at this point the question I have to ask myself is, "How do I take down the walls I need to take down, when they have been there so long and kept me safe?" This again leads back to fear. My own. I am obviously going to need to face some of these fears, take them on full force, in order to break down that mortar. It may take me some time, but I'm definitely going to try. Because now that I see some of these misplaced walls, I'm also able to see over to the other side at what I'm actually missing out on - and it's a lot! So wish me luck in my quest!
The other topic related to walls is - we have people in our lives who know we have walls up against them, but they refuse to give up on us. So my next questions are...are these people a good thing or a bad thing in our lives? And how do we know?
My LONG relationship with my husband is probably the best example that comes to my mind...I met him at work and within just a couple of months, he completely bulldozed through the walls I had up to protect myself from the hurt men can bring to relationships. I denied that he did, of course, for a very long time, but the truth is, the first night we talked, I knew. He, however, was a completely different story. He had been married twice, had a long line of women in his life, but no true commitments and was not looking for any. He had some issues in his past that made him build a fortress around his heart! Through talks we had, I realized this early on and realized if he was the one for me, it was going to take work on my part, or anybody's, really. He was so afraid of getting hurt by, and being vulnerable to, another person - it was like he lived his life in a suit of armor.
I knew I would not be able to run straight towards him with what I felt and what I knew, I would just slam up against his wall. So instead, I stood right next to it and slowly, but surely, began chipping away at it. Think Tim Robbins in Shawshank Redemption. :-) I stood by him, supported him, forgave him (over and over again), kept his confidences, didn't judge him, but most of all, I loved him. And the cracks I was producing in his wall started getting bigger and bigger. And eventually, he felt safe enough to knock the rest of the wall down himself. I know that if I had not done what I did and stood by him - we would not be together today. And that would be the worst thing that could have happened to both of us. So, in this instance, and I know my husband would agree, not giving up was the right thing to do.
I know there are times when this can be a negative, though. For instance, an abusive relationship. Many times the abuser "doesn't give up", but only because he/she wants to keep the control over the other person. So, maybe that is when you know. Maybe it simply comes down to control. If someone is in your life and they merely want to control it, then keep the wall up, or start building one. But if someone is in your life, and there is no judgement - only support, caring and love, and they only want to help set you free, then make sure you keep those walls low enough for them to step right over.
No comments:
Post a Comment