Understanding and Acceptance

As children, our parents teach us to be nice to others and treat everyone fairly.  As adults, we learn to not discriminate against anyone regardless of their race, color, religion, sex or national origin.  I think most of us try and succeed in doing just that, too.  But what about who a person is?  How do we think and feel about a person when looking at their personality?

I think when it comes to getting to know, understand and accept other people - confusion gets the better of us more often than we'd like to admit.  It's hard not to try to fit the people we know into the molds that make us feel most comfortable.  We seek comfortable situations by nature, so it stands to reason we would seek out people we are comfortable with, too.  However, people grow and change everyday.  We often have to decide if we want to understand, accept (or both) the changes that occur.   

And there is a difference between understanding and accepting.  I think we assume they go hand in hand and they don't really have to.  I knew a man who worked for a long time friend.  When they started working together, the plan was that they would make the company grow and eventually take it over and run the whole operation.  Well, his friend was the son-in-law of the owner and when his friend was promoted to president, things changed.  My friend started getting pushed aside and left behind.  Time and time again I would listen to him angrily tell me he didn't understand why he was being treated that way - that he would never do that to anyone.  He would continually try to understand what was going through his friend's head.  I had to explain to him that he was never going to understand why he was being treated poorly BECAUSE he would never do that to someone else, it was just not in him.  BUT, he could accept that there are people out there who do treat people like that and then go from there on how he chose to handle it. 

I worked for a company once with two other co-workers and once they left the company, I found out they had gone to my boss behind my back and told her lies about me, many times.  When I found out, I think everyone was amazed that I didn't get upset and that I still keep in touch with them to this day.  The thing is - I knew they were like that if for no other reason than they would come to me constantly and talk about other employees.  Why would it be any different for me?  I didn't understand what drove them to do that and why they liked to do it, but I accepted that that was just part of who they were and that as long as I knew that and kept things on a superficial level, I could really enjoy their company.  Did I trust them?  Of course not.  Did they make me laugh and did I have a good time when I went out with them - sure did!  Still do. 

Now, a lot of us will admit that they accept a person for who they are, but it is usually someone they have to accept, like their boss, or an in-law.  But do we really have people in our close lives that we don't understand, but accept.  Or the opposite - are there people in our lives we understand, but just choose not to accept?  And if so, why?